I’m back, kinda!

I’m on break and cooking for myself and the ‘rents again. Yesterday I was too lazy/it was too cold to leave the house, so I used what I had (Jimmy Dean breakfast sausage, a whole lot of eggs and cheese, and an extra package of Pillsbury Grands buttermilk biscuits) and combined a bunch of recipes into what quickly became my dad’s favorite thing I’ve ever made.

1 lb breakfast sausage
Optional: frozen hash browns (I tried to make my own… it did not turn out well)
7-8 eggs
3/4  cup milk
3/4 cup heavy cream
1/2 chopped onion
1/2 chopped green pepper
1 tsp salt
1 tsp pepper
1 tsp oregano
8 frozen buttermilk biscuits, halved
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
1 cup mozzarella cheese

1. Bake biscuits, split, and use half to line 9x13 baking dish, sprayed down with Pam or whatever.
2. Preheat oven to 350. 
3. Brown sausage, onion and green pepper, add in hash browns, drain grease and spread half of this mixture over the biscuits.
4. Sprinkle half of cheese over top of ingredients in dish
5. Place remaining biscuits on top of cheese, cover with remaining sausage. 
6. Whisk together eggs, milk, cream, salt, oregano and pepper in a large measuring cup.  Pour over biscuits.
7. Bake 25 minutes at 350.   Sprinkle remaining cheese over casserole, change temperature to 325, and bake until eggs are set, about 15-20 minutes.  Let casserole stand 10 minutes before serving. If a knife comes out clean and there’s no goo, the eggs are done.

Mexican casserole.

It’s everything I like about Mexican food, minus everything I don’t like about Mexican food. In other words, there’s no sour cream or refried beans.

My parents only think this is okay. I would eat it every day if I could. My parents are freaks. Freaks, I tell you.

General Tsao’s/Tso’s/Tao’s/Tessa’s Chicken! I think it’s Tessa’s. Good old Tessa, leading her troops into war and junk.

This is mostly just this recipe, with some modifications based on comments and other recipes.

Warning: this has all the calories. Every single one of them.

2 lbs chicken breast, cut into bite-size pieces
1/4 cup cornstarch (I needed more)
2 eggs
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp black pepper
6 TBS flour
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 cup vegetable oil

4 tsp sesame oil
2 TBS ginger
1/2 cup chopped green onion (I just had regular white onion, it worked fine)
1 clove garlic
1/2 cup chicken stock
3 TBS white vinegar
1/4 cup sherry
3 TBS white sugar
2 TBS cornstarch
1/4 cup soy sauce
1/4 cup oyster sauce
2 TBS hoisin sauce
2 TBS tomato paste (some recipes say use ketchup, but I hate ketchup)
1/2 tsp red pepper flakes

Coat chicken pieces with cornstarch.

Beat eggs, salt, and pepper in mixing bowl. Stir in flour and baking powder. Mix in chicken until evenly coated.

Heat vegetable oil in wok over high heat. Drop in chicken pieces. Cook until golden brown and no longer pink inside, about 10 minutes. Set chicken aside.

Reduce heat to medium-high and stir in sesame oil, ginger, garlic, and green onion. Stir until onion is limp, about one minute. Pour in chicken stock, vinegar, sherry, and sugar; bring to a boil. Dissolve cornstarch in soy sauce and add to the simmering vinegar along with the oyster sauce, hoisin sauce, red pepper and tomato paste. Stir until sauce has thickened and is no longer cloudy. Stir in chicken and simmer until hot. Serve over white rice.

I CALL THIS “WALNUT DIABETES CAKE” BECAUSE I ATE A LOT OF THE ICING WHILE I WAS WAITING FOR THE CAKE TO FINISH AND NOW I’M BOUNCY NOW I HAVE A HEADACHE AND NOW I’M SLEEzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Recipe from here.

And here’s what I did for the icing:

1/2 cup powdered sugar, sifted
1 TBS butter, melted
1-2 TBS milk
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp salt

Pour melted butter into powdered sugar. Stir quickly with fork. Add vanilla extract and salt. Add milk, 1 tsp at a time, stirring continuously until it’s a good consistency. Pour it on that cake once it’s out of the oven. Mmmm. Diabetes.

MEAT AND POTATOES! The food equivalent of spitting and buying tires. Hurr! Manly! Grr! Shooting stuff with guns and then having sex with it!

This is a combination of other Shepard’s Pie recipes, modified according to what I had on hand. This is quite delicious. And manly. Grrr.

1 lb ground beef
1 chopped onion (I used a couple handfuls of frozen)
1-2 cups vegetables - chopped carrots, corn, peas, green beans (I just used chopped baby carrots and frozen green beans)
1 garlic clove, diced
1.5-2 lbs potatoes (I used more - USE MORE YOU FOOL)
1/4 cup shredded cheddar cheese (I only had Mexican Blend cheese - you can leave this out if you don’t like your taters cheesy)
1 stick butter
1-2 TBSP cream cheese (I didn’t have any, so I used half and half instead - you can also use sour cream if you like that)
1-2 TBSP milk
2 TBS Worcestershire sauce, plus other favorite steak sauce (I plopped in some Sweet Baby Ray’s, a few drops of liquid smoke, and a TBS or two of tomato paste - some recipes call for ketchup as well)
1 TBSP flour
1 cup or so of broth (most recipes say use beef, I only had chicken)
Salt, pepper, thyme, other seasonings

Peel and quarter potatoes, boil in salted water 15-20 minutes. While that’s a’bubblin’, melt 4 TBs butter in frying pan and saute onions until tender over medium heat. Add other vegetables and cook. Add garlic. Stir it up real nice.

Add ground beef and saute untli no longer pink. Add salt and pepper, thyme, flour, worcesterchire sauce, other steak sauce if you like, and chicken or beef broth. Cook, uncovered, over low heat for 10 minutes, stirring.

When your potatoes are done, drain them and then mash them in a bowl with the other 4 TBS butter, milk, cheese, cream cheese/half and half/sour cream, and seasonings.

Place beef and onions in baking dish. Distribute mashed potatoes on top. Make cool designs with a fork. Cook in 400 degree oven until bubbling and brown, about 30 minutes. Broil for last few minutes if necessary to brown and make your cool fork designs look swell.

My mom’s chicken & sausage gumbo. Let me introduce you to my favorite food.

My whole family’s from Louisiana. I’ve been eating this since I could eat. Now that I’m moving out, my mom gave me the recipe. You’re welcome, Chicago.

Add in some Tabasco sauce if you want to clean out your sinuses for the next few years.

Ingredients:
1/2 cup celery, chopped
1 bell pepper, chopped
1 small onion, chopped
4 TBS butter
1 can cream of onion soup
1 can cream of chicken soup
1 can diced tomatoes
4 cups chicken broth (use the broth you boil the chicken in)
1 tsp chili powder
1 tsp salt
1 tsp red pepper flakes
1 tsp Kitchen Bouquet (just as a darkening agent, you can leave it out)
1 pound cooked beef or pork link sausage, chopped into small pieces
1 pound chicken breast, or less
1 bay leaf

Boil the pound or so of chicken. Save the broth.

Saute the chopped celery, bell pepper and onion in the half-stick of butter.

Mix the can of cream of onion, cream of chicken, and diced tomatoes. Add chicken broth.

Mix in the chili powder, salt, red pepper flakes and Kitchen Bouquet.

Chop up the sausage.

Put all of the liquids in the crock pot, followed by all of the meats. Add the bay leaf. Cook on low for eight to ten hours. Serve over white rice with saltine crackers.

I have too many cookbooks. I almost never use most of them. They tend to look good on the outside and then everything on the inside requires a lot of time, ingredients I can’t get in my tiny Iowa town, or are gross and full of vegetables (my dad’s words, not mine)(okay, also mine).

Anyway. This one, I use. I use it a lot. There are hardly any recipes in here that I won’t eat. That probably says something about my upbringing.

The Starbucks-style Banana Walnut Loaf is more than worth the price of the entire book. My parents ask for it every week. And it’s low-fat. Ding ding, we have a winner.

Baked Ziti with Beef. A combination of all of my family’s favorite things: lots of cheese, lots of meat, lots of pasta, and a lot of servings.

Ingredients:

Two 12-oz packages of Smart Taste Penne (or penne of your choice - this makes a LOT of pasta, so you can just use one package, but halve the rest of the recipe)
2 TBS Olive oil, divided
1/4 cup Onions, chopped
4 garlic cloves, minced
1 lb ground beef
1 green bell pepper, chopped
As much as you like of: oregano, basil, thyme, Italian seasoning, garlic powder, red pepper flakes, black pepper
1 14oz can stewed tomatoes (I used Italian seasoned)
1 26oz can/bottle marinara sauce (I used Hunt’s because it’s cheap and added a bit more of another type of pasta sauce later)
1/4-1 cup parmesan, grated
1 cup mozzarella, shredded

Cook pasta to al dente according to instructions on package, about twelve minutes. Drain. Put in some olive oil while it’s in the colander so it doesn’t stick together too much.

Saute 1/4 cup onions and 4 cloves garlic in pan with 1 TBS olive oil for about two minutes.

Add beef and cook until browned, drain off fat. Add in one green bell pepper, sliced.

Add your own personal selection of oregano, basil, thyme, Italian seasoning, garlic powder, red pepper flakes, and pepper. Then add tomatoes and marinara sauce and bring mixture to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer for a few minutes, until it thickens. If it’s too watery, put some cornstarch in there.

Add cooked pasta into the pan with the sauce and then transfer to baking dish. Put about half the mozzarella and some parmesan on top. Bake at 350 for twenty minutes, or until bubbly. Add the rest of the cheese to the top and bake for a few more minutes.

I’ve been eating chicken pot pies since I could breathe. But I’ve only ever had the frozen ones. Marie Callendar’s and whatnot. And I’ve always been picking the peas out, because, come on, peas, you’re ruining it for the rest of us. So, tonight, I made two homemade chicken pot pies for the first time ever. I’m not sure I’ll ever go back to frozen.

This is a combination of several recipes I found online. This makes two whole pies, though eating a fourth of one was more than enough for me. But I bet they freeze well.

• 1+ pounds skinless, boneless chicken breasts - cubed
• 1 cup sliced carrots
• 1/2 cup sliced celery (I had less)
• 1 cup sliced potatoes (I used two whole Russet potatoes)
• 1 cup corn (I used one drained can)
• 1/3 cup butter
• 3/4 cup chopped onion (I used what I had on hand, which was less)
• 2/3 cup all-purpose flour
• 1/2 cup half and half
• 1 can Cream of Chicken soup
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
• 1/4 teaspoon celery seed
• 1/4 teaspoon garlic pepper
• 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1/4 teaspoon poultry seasoning
• 1/4 cup white wine
• 3+ cups chicken broth
• 4 (9 inch) unbaked pie crusts

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (220 degrees C.)
2. In your first saucepan, combine the chicken carrots, potato, celery, and corn. Add enough chicken broth to cover it. Turn heat on high and let it boil, uncovered, for 15 minutes. Remove from heat.
3. In your second saucepan, turn heat up to medium heat and cook the onions in the butter until they’re soft and translucent. Pour in the half and half, wine, flour, another cup or so of chicken broth, the can of chicken soup (undiluted), salt, pepper, celery seed, garlic powder and pepper, and poultry seasoning. Stir it all together and let it simmer over medium-low heat.
4. Pour the first saucepan into the second saucepan. Don’t let all of the chicken broth get into the second saucepan - but if it does get in, add a bit of cornstarch and let it simmer longer, until it’s all thickened up like gravy. Stir a lot.
5. Get two pie tins. Unroll two pie crusts, one per tin. Brush with egg whites if you want, and bake for five minutes to get the bottom started browning.
6. Pour all the saucepan stuff into the two pie tins, over the pie crusts. Cover both with top crusts and seal the edges. Cut away any excess dough. If you have extra egg whites, brush over the tops. Make several small slits in the top to allow steam to escape.
7. Bake in the preheated oven for 45 minutes, or until the pastry is golden brown and the filling is bubbly. Let it cool for 10 minutes before serving. Or don’t, and burn your tongue.

Tonight: Chicken Fajita Pizza.

It says a lot about the eating habits of my family that the three of us ate two of these entire pizzas.

I also re-watched the series finale of FRIENDS while cutting up two pounds of chicken for this. This meal was literally marinated in tears.

Anyway. Easy, delicious. Just how I like it. And just how your mom likes it. Click through for the recipe.

Weight Watchers Applesauce Cocoa Cake

Whenever I make dessert these days, my mom asks me, “Is this real food or a Weight Watchers recipe?” Because, you know, WW uses mostly nonbiodegradable plastics and pieces of sheet metal in their recipes.

This is quite wonderful. And healthy! And you get to use the word “bundt”!

I stuck some walnuts in there because I’m crazy unpredictable. YOU DON’T KNOW ME.

Click through for the recipe.

Tonight’s dinnah, via AllRecipes - Brooklyn Girl’s Penne Arrabiata.

I love pasta. Every diet in the world tells you to stop eating so much pasta, but you know what? I see skinny people eating pasta all the time. Sure, they may have faster metabolisms an better portion control than I do, but, um, I could probably beat them at Words With Friends. And at the end of the day, that’s what matters, right? Right? Anyway, this crap is delicious.

Some olive oil (about 1/4 cup or less), divided
6 cloves garlic, minced or sliced
1 teaspoon red pepper flakes
1 (28 ounce) can diced tomatoes with garlic and olive oil
1 can tomato sauce
1 bunch fresh basil, chopped
1 (12 ounce) package dried penne pasta (I used Smart Taste)
1 egg
About a cup of bread crumbs - I mixed Panko, Italian-seasoned bread crumbs and plain bread crumbs
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon pepper
1 pound boneless, skinless chicken breasts

Heat enough olive oil to cover the bottom of a large skillet over medium heat. Add the garlic and saute it for a minute. Sprinkle in the red pepper flakes, then pour in the can of diced tomatoes and the can of tomato sauce. Stir it all up. Turn the heat down and let it simmer for twenty minutes. Don’t let the heat get too high, or it’ll get all sticky and weird.

While that’s simmering, bring a large pot of salted water to a boil. Add the penne and cook for eight minutes. Drain it. Don’t burn yourself. You burned yourself anyway, didn’t you? Ugh.

While all that’s going on, cut up your pound of chicken breasts into strips. Get two small bowls. In one of them, beat the egg. In the other, mix up whatever bread crumbs you’ve got on hand with the garlic powder, salt and pepper. Dip each piece of chicken into the egg, then the bread crumbs. You can do this in handfuls if you’re lazy.

Get yourself another pan out. Heat some more olive oil in it, medium heat. Put the chicken in. Fry it for about five minutes per side, or until the coating is nice and dark brown.

By now, your sauce ought to be nice and thickened up. Put the cooked chicken into the pan with the sauce and stir it around for a bit. If the sauce isn’t thick yet, let it simmer some more. If it’s too thick (because you’re like me and you let it simmer on too high heat) you can add whatever bottled spaghetti sauce you have on hand. Stir in the cooked and drained pasta. Put some Parmesan in there if you feel like it, you crazy slut. Serve it with some garlic bread.

Sesame beef! Oh, sweet Meat Mountain Goddess, this was delicious. It’s a somewhat modified version of this recipe from AllRecipes.

1 lb sliced round steak
8 TBS soy sauce
6 TBS white sugar
1.5 TBS sesame oil, plus some vegetable oil if you’re feeling sassy
4 cloves garlic, minced
4 green onions, chopped
3 TBS sesame seeds
Chopped vegetables

Combine steak, soy sauce, sugar, sesame oil, garlic and onions. Marinate for at least 30 minutes. While it’s marinating, chop up some vegetables - whatever you have on hand. I used a bell pepper, half an onion, and a pound of frozen broccoli.

Get your finest wok. Heat some vegetable or sesame oil over high heat. Throw that marinated meat with half the marinade into the wok. Cook meat quickly over the high heat (this is crucial - it seals in the marinade - stir continuously), and then remove the meat to a bowl.

Throw the vegetables into the wok with the other half of the marinade. Cook to tender-crisp, only a few minutes for fresh veggies. Then add the beef back into the skillet and lower the heat. Simmer for a while to thicken up the marinade. Add some cornstarch if you need to. Put in them sesame seeds, make it look pretty. Serve over white rice. Or noodles, if you’re weird.

Tonight: Cajun Chicken Pasta. For when you want creamy, pasta-y, and holy-shit-my-head-is-on-fire spicy.

Of course, the spice factor may have to do with my using several tablespoons of Tony’s. We’re a Louisianian family. We keep a lot of Tony’s.

Serve with cold beer. Ahhhh. Doesn’t that make it all better? No? Still rolling on the floor, clutching your mouth and screaming? Welcome to Southern cooking.

Click through for the recipe at AllRecipes.

I’ll probably be posting a lot of The Pioneer Woman Cooks. I love her blog and her pictures, and her recipes always turn out delicious, but most of all, she makes things that everyone likes and she rarely asks for me to use unfamiliar ingredients. Bring on the bottled spices ans the white flour!

I went for this because I’ve got a three-pound bag of carrots. It says a lot about my upbringing that my first reaction to carrots is “carrot cake!”

Sigrid’s Carrot Cake. Click through for the recipe.

(I’m making it right now. I’ll come back with reactions.)

Edit: Oh my God oh my God oh my God that frosting. If you make it in a 9x13 pan and cut it into 15 pieces, it’s 15 Weight Watchers points per piece. I can never eat anything else ever again and it was worth it.